Stay-­at-­Home Mother or Back to Work?

Your four­-month maternity is ending soon, and you will quickly find yourself at a new crossroads in your life.

After so many weeks of being with your little bundle of joy all day, every day and experiencing the beautiful, always growing bond between mother and child, you might be considering leaving your job and staying home to witness every single one of your child’s precious milestones.

Should you make this life­-changing decision? What are the factors you need to take into consideration?

Skoolopedia spoke to a panel of five mothers, both full­-time working Moms as well as stay­-at­-home Moms to find out what are the main factors you may want to think about before you decide what your next stop in this wonderful journey of motherhood is.

Don’t stress! you are not alone in facing this dilemma. And luckily, for the modern day Mom, there are many other options other than only staying at home and not working, or working full time.

Family Finances: Finding the Right Balance

If you’re seriously thinking of being a full time stay­-at-­home mother, one of the most important practical considerations is the financial security of your family.

Will leaving your job mean that your other half will struggle or be under pressure to make ends meet? If that is the case, options like part­-time work, or working from home may be a better alternative.

If not, our Mum panel recommends sitting down and speaking to your partner to discuss his financial expectations – you might have to cut down on certain luxuries like overseas trips, shopping, or eating out.

“As a stay at home mother, you will sometimes feel lonely and stressed as well as financially insecure, so your partner has to be extra reassuring. On my part, I was much more careful with my monthly expenditure. The arrangement works because we are all on the same page and our relationship stays healthy. There are no “I­-regret­-doing-­this” or “why-­aren’t-­you supportive” arguments.”

“I found that the most important thing in deciding to become a SAHM was making sure that my husband was on board and supportive,” said mother of two Joey Goh, 32, who left her job as a marketing executive to be with her two sons, aged 5 and 7.

In order to place themselves in a financially comfortable position, the family downsized from a private apartment to a 5­-room flat and also decided to forgo having a helper, which she says helped their children become more independent.

“As a stay at home mother, you will sometimes feel lonely and stressed as well as financially insecure, so your partner has to be extra reassuring. On my part, I was much more careful with my monthly expenditure. The arrangement works because we are all on the same page and our relationship stays healthy. There are no “I­-regret­-doing-­this or why-­aren’t-­you supportive arguments.”

Joining a Community or Support Group

If your heart is set on staying home, remember that raising a child takes a village. Being alone at home all day with a baby or toddler requires constant supervision, attention and energy and can often be exhausting and draining, especially if you don’t have strong family support.

Think about joining Mummy support groups, both online and offline where you can share your thoughts, meet up for playdates and take a breather from being cooped up at home all day.

“I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother from the start, especially when I saw how my son was thriving and growing so well with me at home,” said Maria Gomez, 28, who left her teaching job after her maternity leave.

“But often, I craved company and the support from other mums who knew what I was going through. I joined a playgroup in my area, and the mums meet up twice weekly to bring the kids to the beach, to the playgrounds. I know I can turn to them when I struggle with my toddler, and we share tips and suggestions about everything under the sun.”

Don’t Forget the You before the Mum

That wonderful feeling of being there every step of the way of your baby’s amazing development is undeniable -­ working mums often struggle with missing cherished milestones or arriving home late after a busy day at work to find that their child is already asleep.

But every mother is different ­- it is often easy to lose sight of your personal growth and fulfilment as you prioritise your child’s needs constantly above your own. If you feel resentful or depressed at the thought of giving up a career you are passionate about, says our Mum panel, don’t quit.

“I left my high-­powered banking job to look after my children full ­time because I felt guilty about not being at home with them,” said Jolene Tan, 36.

Remember that a happy mother, whether she stays at home or works in an office, is the best mother of all.

“I left my high­powered banking job to look after my children full­time because I felt guilty about
not being at home with them,” said Jolene Tan, 36.

“But I realised very quickly that it was not what I wanted. I was constantly missing the adrenaline and drive I felt in my job, and I was becoming angry and resentful being stuck at home with my kids. And to my horror, I found myself blaming them and losing my temper easily.

Luckily for Jolene, her employer was willing to offer her a more flexible work arrangement that allowed her to work from home two days a week, reaching a happy medium.

“I was happier, my children were happy that their Mum was happy once I accepted that being a SAHM wasn’t for everyone and stopped beating myself up over it,” shared Jolene.

In the age of technology and enlightened workplace policies, mothers now have the choice to find jobs that give them added flexibility or a tele-­commute. Take time to find out what works the best for you and your family.

Which leads to the next point,

Long Term or Short Term?

Remember, choosing to be a SAHM is not an absolute decision. Many mothers choose to stay home for the first few years of their child’s life before returning back to the workforce when they are ready.

Likewise, you don’t have to quit your job straightaway. Many workplaces are open to mothers taking extended no-­pay leave and you might find these extra months will help you get over the separation anxiety as you watch your child become increasingly communicative and independent.

“I’ve been a full­-time working mother, a part-­time working mother, and a stay-at-home mother all at different points in my life,” shared Wong Sze Sze, 35, who has three children aged 2, 4 and 6.

“Life changes, you change ­- the most important thing is to be adaptable and always try to find an arrangement that works the best for you and your family. I always remind myself that no matter what, I am already so blessed to have these three wonderful children ­- any obstacle can be overcome as long as we are willing to move with the times and change with our needs.”